Just like that, it is over. I thought that I would feel a sense of relief or something, but mostly I am just numb. I am sure that will wear off with time, and maybe it’s a good thing right now anyway.

It’s a long story and one that I really do not feel like getting into at the moment, but in the end we agreed to the deal and he pled guilty. We read our victim impact statements which was VERY hard and they had my mom, dad, Scott and I step up next to the SA’s when they sentenced him. He was allowed to address the court, and he addressed us. He said that he is sorry and that he wishes he could take it back. I don’t know if he is sorry or not and in the end it doesn’t matter, but hearing him express remorse did help in some ways. I can’t forgive him what he did, and I will never forget it, but I know that spending my life hating him is not productive either. Mostly I feel pity for him. Do you know that in all these 2 years, he only had family at court once, and they were subpeonad to be there, so they had no choice. Even today, knowing that he probably would be sentenced, his own mother stayed away. To me that is sad, very sad. It does not make it better, or change what he did, and I will never understand it, but on some level it is very sad.

We will never have to go back there, and that is a relief. But then in other ways, it is hard too because that was something to stay focussed on too. I am so confused, don’t mind me. I thought about posting my victim impact statement here and I still might, I don’t know. We were surrounded by family and loved ones today and I could hear them crying behind us as we read our statments, and I was so glad that we got to stand there together as we did read them. Most of the time I could not even read my words as my eyes were swimming in tears. I cried even harder when my mom and dad read theirs. We all cried afterwards together. The judge had some nice things to say. He said that he knows that Krystal was a good person just based on our family and how we represented ourselves and her over the past 2 years. He said a lot of other things and we knew that he wished that he could give him more time.

So 25 years…at 100%…not enough, but it is what it is. And just like that, it’s over. Well at least that part, now comes the even harder part of putting it all back together. Sigh.

My life has been a perpetual roller coaster over the past month. Actually over the past 2 years, but especially over the past month. We were all set with the trial, and getting ready, setting our mind to it. Then they called a couple weeks ago and said that MD wanted to take a plea deal. So we had to go to court, and we had to write our victim impact statements (something that was so very hard might I add), and prepare ourselves for that. We met with the SA the evening before, and we agreed that they would ask for 35 years. Well during the conference, they came out and said that MD’s lawyers were asking for 25 years, but that the judge would not agree to it without our consent. We talked about it, and it was so hard, so very hard, but we finally agreed to the 25 years, for several reasons. First, it would be a guarantee and we would not have to put our fate in the hands of 12 people who can do anything, and second, just to finally have it be over. It was so hard though, and we really struggled with it. Well, in the end, he turned it down!!!! We were stunned, and devasated and so many different things. So it was back to trial, and preparing for that. Turns out that I am going to have to be a witness and I am trying to prepare myself for that. Well, then, oh yah ready for this? They called again… he wanted to take the deal afterall!!!! OMG, we are so sick and tired of the games and all of this. So this time, we said NO, we are NOT comfortable with the deal and we are not giving our consent. Well, they are bringing him to court anyway, tomorrow in fact. I am not sure what is going to happen, he is still seeking a deal, but we are resolved in that we will not agree to anything below 30 years and that is just that. At this point we would rather it go to trial and even if a jury let him off, it would be their decision and NOT MD’s. We are tired of him playing games with us and calling all the shots and we are just not going to allow it anymore. It was a hard decision to come to, but ever since we made it, I think we all feel better. So it’s back to court tomorrow, oh yay. My only good thought is that no matter what, it will be over by the end of this month!

On the other hand, there have been some good things lately too. June’s Graduation, time spent with Chrissy and Rei, the anticipation of the girls all being here for the summer (they come on Saturday), a fun movie date last Friday, Weddings, Graduations, family events, the upcoming Relay for Life, etc. I will update with all those better things real soon. Just need to get through tomorow first.

Well, this is it, the trial has been set. Jury selection will begin on June 23rd. I have been feeling just sick to my stomach ever since court, I know it is stress. I woke up with a major migraine in the middle of the night too. On one hand, I am eager for the trial to come and go and to finally be able to get on with our lives, but on the other, I dread it so much. It will not be fun, and I don’t know what it is going to do to us.

My mom said something yesterday to the prosecuter that was so real. We were talking about how much time he might get, and my mom said, he’s already served 2 years, but we’ve served it with him. That is so the truth. We have served the past 2 years, and I am ready to be done.

We have court today, and for the first time in a while, I am really upset, and nervous and all those things. Not that I am ever happy about court, but some days it just seems like routine because you know that nothing is going to happen anyway. Today, I don’t know what is going to happen and I have to admit that I am pretty scared right now. I just had to take an anxiety pill for the first time in almost 2 months.

I just hope that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen, and that it’s fair, and that my mom is ok, and that we are all ok. We will have a big crowd today. Stephen and Tonya are going with me, as is my mom’s friend Karen. Sherry is meeting us there, and 2 of my uncles are going with my mom and dad. Scott and Sharon are coming and so is Krystal’s friends, Shaka, Michelle and Max maybe. I know that Krystal will be with us in spirit, although I believe that she is in a place where she knows that he will answer for what he did more once his time here is up, and that this need we have for justice is really for us alone.

Yesterday was the 2 year mark of when we lost Krystal. Everyone always says anniversary, but I always feel funny saying that… in my mind anniversary symbolizes a reason to celebrate, and while we do need to celebrate Krystal’s life, I can’t celebrate her death. Yesterday was OK, a lot better than I was anticipating, but then the whole week leading up to it was a lot harder than I anticipated. I think that the time leading up to it was a lot harder than the actual day itself. I had taken the day off of work to spend with my parents, and I think we all needed that. We got up and went to church together, and then out for breakfast. Then we went bike riding, and just spent time talking about Krystal. I miss her so much, I know that I always will.

We have court on the 30th this month. I have not updated much about what is going on there, but we are pretty nervous about this one. They are supposed to set the date for trial that day. However, we talked to the States attorney this past week and they are recommending that our whole family/friends be there on the 30th. They are close to making a plea bargain with him. That itself should be cause to celebrate, but the deal is not at all to our liking. He is willing to plead guilty to first degree murder in exhange for 21 years! Yes, 21 years. That just does not seem long enough at all. I know that nothing would, but when we had been told that it would not be anything less than over 30 years, well it just sucks,. One part of me just wants it to all be over, and the thought of not having to put my mom or the rest of us through a trial really is appealing, but at what cost. He will still be so young in 21 years (only in his mid 40s) and capable of hurting another family. I guess we will see what happens, in too many ways it really is out of our hands.

Gizmo loves to burrow under the blankets and stick his head out. He is so cute when he does that. Tonight he actually pulled my sweatshirt off of the chair and burrowed under that. I took a couple of pictures because he looked so adorable.

We had him neutered and front declawed last week, and ever since he got home, he has been so cuddly and lovable. It’s cute. I have a really cute story from when we picked him up at the vet too. They had to come get me and take me back to the kennel area, because he was not very happy. He was backed up as far as he could go in the cage hissing at them and refused to come out. When I went back and talked to him, as soon as he heard my voice he stopped, and jumped out of the cage and onto my shoulder. It was adorable. I hated leaving him there overnight and was just as happy to bring him home as he was to come home. He is supposed to have an appointment on Thursday to have his paws checked, but today he seems to have been chewing on them, and an I concerned so I am going to call and see if I can take him in tomorrow instead. Poor thing, he is going to hate that. Okay, he is yipping at me to take him to bed. He is too cute.

Because Sherry and Chuck called me tonight to yell at me for not updating (apparently they can’t tell from here whether or not Chrissy went home yet, giggle), I thought I would do a quick update. For the record, Chrissy and Rei did go home, and made it there safely. We had a nice visit, and I miss them (especially Rei) bunches. They are supposed to be moving home in July, and I am looking forward to having the opportunity to see them more often.

Otherwise, things have been going well. I was so sick last week, but am feeling much better now. I ended up being really sick the day we were supposed to have the priest over for dinner, so we had to reschedule to the following Friday, but we had him over this past weekend and we had a great time. It really was very comforatable and we enjoyed ourselves very much.

So there you have it in a nutshell… Chrissy made it home and all that other stuff, hehe.

Just a few of the highlights of my visit with Chrissy and Rei:

They are leaving today, to move on and visit with everyone else who wants their own special moments, but they will be back on Saturday and are spending the night then so that they can be with us on Easter morning. I am so excited about that. June is coming tonight and Maddy and Rachel come in tomorrow morning, so we will have them all for Easter morning, yay. It’s going to be super nice.

We are doing our local Relay for Life walk this July. I am the team captain and we had our kick-off meeting on Thursday. It was pretty exciting and emotional. I wasn’t really sure what to expect but I am getting more and more excited about it all, the more I learn. It is a nighttime walk, from 6:00 pm to 6:00 am, and we have a tent and a place to relax and all that. It is about more than walking, each team decorates their campsite however they want and they can have fundraisers there on site to earn more money too. My BIL and SIL have a small fun-time business where they rent out bouncy houses, snowcone machines, cotton candy machines, etc. and I asked if they would donate them for our walk and they said yes. We are looking for other ways to make this a fun and fullfilling experience as well so if you have any ideas, please feel free to share them. And if you have done relay for life, I would love to hear your experiences. So far we have 11 people on our team but I am hoping for a couple more (hint hint ahem, Cory and Jen). At any rate, it really is going well so far.

Now, I am asking for your support. Please, if you can, make a donation. It is a wonderful cause. Too many people get cancer each year, and too many lives are lost to this horrible disease. One of the really neat parts about relay is that is is for all types of cancer.

One fun thing that they do at the walk is that at dusk they light luminaria dedicated to cancer survivors and those whose lives have been lost. If you would like to have a luminaria lit in honor/memory of someone you love, let me know and we can do that. If you are able to make a donation, please click on the badge below. I really appreciate any support you can provide.